announced today that it has developed computer chips that
can store and play music inside women's breasts.
considered to be a major technological breakthrough, because women are
always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to
Why do they put Braille dots
on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
A husband and wife came for
counseling after 15 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a
passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in
the 15 years they had been married.
She went on and on and on:
neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire
laundry list of un-met needs she had endured over the course of their
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a
sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk
and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately.
The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though
in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is
what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?"
The husband thought for a moment and replied,..
"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I
IS A CEILING MURAL IN A SMOKERS' LOUNGE.
I tried switching to gum but
I couldn't keep it lit.
When the expression "Oh, Shit" is acceptable...
I bet living in a nudist
colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.
Red-neck moving day
You might be a red-neck if...
Everybody has to be doing something...
For his birthday, little Patrick asked for
10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give
you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 &
your mother just lost her job.
There's no way we can afford it."
The next day the father saw
little Patrick heading
out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked,
"Son, where are you going?" Little Patrick told him,
"I was walking past your room last night and heard you
telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her
tell you to wait because she was coming too. And
I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a
$280,000 mortgage & no bike!"
What happens if you get scared half to death